


Take my Hand, I’ll make it right

by smolxtomlinsonx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abusive Father, Angst, Crisis, Fluff, Gay, Harry is bi, I suck so don’t expect anything good, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, coming out i guess, figuring out who he is, i don’t know what to say, i got a writing class and decided to do a Larry Fic as my project, idk maybe smut idk yet, larry - Freeform, larrystylinson, louis doesn’t know he is gay yet, louis gets hurt, love is love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 14,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17499707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolxtomlinsonx/pseuds/smolxtomlinsonx
Summary: Louis mum died. Since then his father is abusive and Louis has to take care of everything including his younger siblings. He doesn’t tell anyone, pretends to be fine and breaks down when he is alone. He doesn’t want to live anymore but when the boy Harry comes into his life things change. He starts trusting Harry but things don’t get easier cause his dad still hurts him and leaves bruises all over his body. Things get even more complicated when Louis realizes he likes Harry as more than just a Friend and maybe he doesn’t need a girl to make him happy but the curly haired boy with those beautiful green eyes. Harry some how makes him happy again and Louis starts to like the idea of living again.I know it’s sucks but I don’t expect anyone to find this fic anyways so it’s fine. If you read this: I’m sorry? Haha i don’t know ignore me -  Lu xx





	1. Chapter 1

——————

As Louis was walking down the street, his hair getting messed up through the wind and his fingers shivering from the cold night, he asked himself where he should go. It was still 4am and the school wouldn’t open until 7am but he couldn’t risk going home yet. His Dad was probably still awake and he couldn’t handle more pain right now. His ribs still hurting from the punches his dad gave to him 3 hours ago while throwing him out of the House. Again.

It was January which means it was still really cold and the cold temperatures made Louis almost freezing and wishing he would have found the time to grab his jacket. While walking through the neighborhood he realised cold raindrops falling on him and getting more until his clothes were wet and he couldn’t stop but shiver. After a couple of minutes he managed to find a roof kind of thing where he sat down and suddenly couldn’t hold in anymore.

His knees pressed against his chest and making himself as small as possible he sobbed in his hands not being able to breathe properly. He missed his mum. She would have hugged him, made some tea and everything would have been okay. His dad wouldn’t drink, he wouldn’t be aggressive all the time and they would be a happy family again. But she is gone. The driver didn’t see her and couldn’t hit the brake fast enough. She died and he couldn’t talk to her again. Sometimes he just wanted to disappear, end everything and not having to feel the pain every day, but he couldn’t. He has to protect his younger siblings and take care of them. He couldn’t leave them all alone with him. The person that was supposed to protect them and love them. Their dad. It’s not like his dad didn’t love them, it was just that he drank, a lot. So he got angry and sometimes forgot he was supposed to love his children. It began after Louis mum death, when his dad didn’t seem to find a reason to live and started to drink the pain away, but at the same time he gave a lot of pain to Louis. Louis tried to protect his siblings, as much as he could but that means he would get more punches and kicks, it didn’t matter though cause he loved his younger siblings way too much to care about all the bruises and scars that were left on his body.  
No one knew about his dad and how Louis had to handle his siblings, the bills and everything. As a 17 year old it wasn’t something he liked to talk about. Not even his friends, who just knew that the money was tight so he had to work. What they didn’t know was that the only reason they didn’t have loads of money was because his dad spend all their money on Alcohol and if Louis tried to stop him the day would end with even more  
Bruises.

When Liam, Zayn and Nick saw the bruises Louis blamed it on football sessions he had and somehow they believed him because they know how Louis gets so serious about a game if he plays. Well he did, when he still had the time and wasn’t sad and exhausted all the time. Now it was different.

He changed. Everything changed.

 

Just as Louis started to breathe normally again, tears still streaming down his face, he heard someone slightly coughing and a dark but shy voice saying “this is my spot”

Louis looked up and found a tall boy right in front of him inspecting Louis, while his curly hair was dripping all over his jumper. Louis eyes directly fell on the boy’s jumper. It was like a Rainbow exploded and was used to make this jumper. Also his big boots weren’t something not to notice. He looked crazy, colourful and strange but in a good way. In a way which made Louis not being able to take his eyes off of him.

Finally Louis realised what the strange boy just said and he was too tired to fight about this little roof he was sitting under, that didn’t even kept him warm. So without hesitating he started to stand up, wiping away the Tears that were still sitting on his cheeks. When Louis started to walk away the boy made a sound which made Louis turn around again. Now he looked straight into the boys so green eyes and looking at him questioning. “I didn’t mean to make you leave... you can stay you know? I’m sure we can both share so you won’t get wet.” He sat down and patted the spot right next to him, signalling Louis to sit down.

Louis hesitated but he was cold and it hasn’t stopped raining and taking a look at his watch he realised he couldn’t go home in the next 2 hours, so he decided to sit down next to the boy.

He tilted his head and looked at the boy again, he looked so happy to him and he didn’t understand how someone’s eyes could look so friendly .Louis mumbled a quietly “thanks” and looked down while playing around with his hands.

“I’m Louis and you?” he said after a while because the strange boy didn’t seem like he wanted to start a conversation. The boy looked at him for a couple seconds before saying “you cried”. It made Louis holding his breath for a second and wiping over his cheeks again. “No” he mumbled in this hands and didn’t dare to take a look at the other boy. “I didn’t” he said trying to defend himself, “That’s just the rain and I’m cold”.  
“If you say so” the curly haired one said obviously not believing him and adding the words “you are really bad at lying” before standing up and turning away from Louis.

While Louis couldn’t stop looking at the boy, he started walking away leaving Louis behind. “You still haven’t told me your name” he said making the curly haired one turning around and grinning at Louis showing a dimple, “Its Harry” he said before disappearing behind a corner, leaving Louis confused but distracted from his problems behind.


	2. Chapter 2

\-----------

Louis didn’t realise how long he was just staring in the direction they boy named Harry just disappeared. He smiled to himself and slowly started to walk back home. The sun was almost risen and Louis thought it was save to go home now. On his way back home he just couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. His name really fits him, his brown curls and piercing green eyes were probably a girl magnet even though his fashion choices were quiet questionable. Not everyone could pull of such a look, but the strange boy somehow did.  
Louis took a deep breath, standing in front of their house before entering quietly, careful not to wake his dad, he could hear snoring from upstairs. As he took a look at the clock he realised it was already time to wake his siblings and get them ready for their day. While walking upstairs Louis rubbed his eyes trying to rub away his tiredness and the fact he hasn’t slept properly in a long time.

  
Louis opened the door to his sister’s bedroom. He smiled to himself when he saw Lottie and Fizzy in just one bed holding each other tight, right next to the twins phoebe and daisy. His smile faded just a second later when he realised they probably slept in one bed because his dad scared them again. He quickly checked on them looking for any kind of bruises and holding his breath until he realised there weren’t any and he was able to breathe again. He couldn’t see them get hurt.

  
He starts waking the four of them up and adoring their sleepy faces which remind him so much of his mums. Without saying much they all hugged Louis and he could feel that his dad wasn’t acting peacefully yesterday. “I’m sorry girls” he murmured standing up and putting on a happy face. “Come on let’s make some breakfast and get you ready for school” he said and took them by their hands. “Just remember to be quiet alright?” As soon as the girls were sitting quiet in the kitchen eating their cornflakes, Louis stepped upstairs again, getting the little twins out of bed. They were already waiting in their beds eyeing Louis with big blue eyes and smiling at him. Immediately Louis had to smile and for a second he forgot yesterday’s events. His siblings just meant everything to him.

  
The next 30 minutes he continued getting them ready and was ready for them to get picked up, when phoebe came up to him and looked at him. „ He isn’t like others Dads” she said which made Louis forget to breathe again. Her big eyes just eyed Louis and she said, almost whispered „ Other dads love their children“. Louis definitely wasn’t prepared for her to say something like that and when he started stuttering around trying to find words to comfort her, someone rang the door, which turned out to be their neighbour, which was a nice woman who took the girls to school and the little twins to childcare. Since the day Louis claimed his dad would work nightshift so he couldn’t take the girls, she offered to take them, which Louis was really grateful for, he just couldn’t tell her the truth about his dad and hoped his siblings wouldn’t either. It was hard to live with him, but it would be worse without him. They would separate all of them and since he was 17 no one would actually care for him. But the worst thing was, knowing the little ones wouldn’t be able to stay together, even though he wished he could protect them from their dad.

  
As soon all of them left the house, Louis almost broke down again. He couldn’t believe his little sister thought like that and it hurt him so much knowing all of them didn’t believe their dad loved them and lived in such a broken family. They should be happy. Not thinking about something like that. They should have a dad caring enough not to drink, but love his children.

  
After Louis managed to do the dishes, still in shook about his dad, he checked the clock and realised he should get going. Knowing he hadn’t a lot of time, he got ready in just a couple minutes. Forgetting about his dad, but caring about getting to school on time he ran down the stairs. Which turned out to be a bad idea. Just seconds later his dad appeared on the door frame, hungover from the night before and his anger clearly showing on his face.  
He growled his name and Louis winced trying to get to the door but his dad grabbed his wrist, holding it tight. “Please dad. I got to go to school” Louis said quietly, contorting his face in pain.

  
His breath started to get heavier and he saw his dad getting angrier. “I told you not to wake me” he growled again putting his fingers even tighter around Louis wrist which made him hiss any biting his lip trying to ignore the pain. His dad looked at him again and threw him against the wall, putting him on the ground. A sting of pain went through Louis whole body and he couldn’t move without wanting to scream in pain. He waited a few second before opening his eyes, he narrowed as soon the pain started, now thinking his dad let go of him, when he felt even more pain in his stomach. He tried to hold the tears in, not moving while his dad kicked in his stomach, against his ribs and back with full force not caring about hurting him, but caring about getting revenge.

  
When his dad finally let go and went to his room again, Louis tried to catch his breath, without making any sound the tears were streaming down his face and as soon as he tried to sit up he felt like a thousand needles were in his body. He stood up, grabbed his bag for school and went to the bathroom splashing some water on his face, every move he made hurt his whole body but still the only thing he could think of was that he got his little siblings out of the house without them getting hurt. He wouldn’t want them to see something like this again. They shouldn’t be scared all the time.

  
Scared to face his dad again, Louis went out of the house as fast as possible walking to school, pretending to be fine again, while ignoring the pain that made his whole body shiver.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis took a deep breath, hissing seconds later because a stinging pain went through his ribs and his stomach. He trembled and held back his tear. Everything hurt so much and not only his body felt like giving up but everything in him screamed to end it all. End the pain, end the problems and end his life. Every second the idea of going to the old bridge grew fonder to him, until he realised what he was thinking and tried to get those thoughts out of his head. He couldn’t protect them then and they shouldn’t feel the pain he does.  
Louis looked up and realised he already stood in front of his school. Student talking outside the building and laughing with each other. He closed his eyes for a seconds before ignoring the constant pain he felt and moved inside the building, where one of his best mates Liam was already waiting for him. As soon Liam discovered him he went towards him, giving him a friendly smile, before he started to talk about some girl named Danielle he just started seeing. Just after a couple seconds listening to what his friend was talking about, Louis drifted apart and got lost in his thoughts again.  
When he looked up again and saw a rainbow sweater disappearing around the corner, he realised what he couldn’t get out of his head. Or more like who. As soon he knew what just happened he snapped out of his trance and his eyes widened. He couldn’t stop thinking about the boy named Harry he just met a couple hours ago. Not in a friend kind of way, more like he couldn’t stop thinking about his beautiful curls and those piercing green eyes. Louis shook his head and tried to concentrate on the girls Liam was talking about and just nodded every couple seconds.  
“You okay mate? “ Liam asked him and eyed him carefully.  
Louis nodded and gave him a reassuring smile “sure, the twins just kept me up all night” he lied, the lie being so easy to tell, not even flinching for a second.  
Liam believed him and continued talking about some party that was going on the coming weekend, which Louis tried to follow, trying to ignore the pain screaming inside him looking for a reason to be happy.  
The day went slowly by and Louis tried to concentrate on the Math equation in front of him but couldn’t stop thinking how much he just wanted to disappear. A thought that hasn’t left him in a long time, just like the bruises all over his torso. Everything in him screamed to end it all but before he got lost in his thoughts, the bell rang and he left the classroom as one of the first. When he left the school building and made his way home his chest immediately started feeling tight and it made it harder for him to breathe properly. Just the thought of going back to his home, while his dad could still be home made him want to run away.  
Within seconds Louis changed the Direction and walked left instead to the right.

The farther he got away from his home the easier it became to breathe for him again. He knew that at some point he had to go back and take care of everything, but he wasn’t ready yet. He wished he didn’t have to go and when he realized there were tears falling down his face he just wanted to find a quiet place where no one could find him. 

Louis was so concentrated to find a place for him to be alone he almost screamed when he heard a deep „Hey“ behind him.  
When he turned around he saw Harry, who was eyeing him confused and compassionate.  
Louis tried to smile a little but failed miserably. He felt embarrassed and didn’t want to cry in front of the other boy again. He held back his tears and just stared at the ground mumbling a “Hi” back. 

Suddenly Louis felt two arms around him and Harry was hugging him, making Louis feel save.  
For a couple seconds Louis didn’t know what to do, his arms just hanging down on his sides and being confused what just happened. Harry didn’t look like he would stop the hug anytime soon and Louis felt the urge to hug him back. When Louis managed to curl his arms around the taller boy he didn’t say anything, his embarrassment growing every second.  
He felt weak and felt the need to run away and to never come back. Louis couldn’t leave the thought but thinking how much Harry must be pitying him and think of him being ridiculous. He was, he knew it but he doesn’t show it to others. He pretends to be alright all the time so why can’t the taller boy stay in his business and leave him alone. Not that he wanted him to leave, he just felt helpless and wasn’t used to the feeling of being hugged and feeling save with someone. Especially with someone he doesn’t even know, but someone that gives him the feeling he can cry and it’s okay not to be okay. 

Louis didn’t know how long they were just standing there, in silence and him crying into the neck of the other boy. After a while Louis took his arms away from the other boy and took a step back, leaving a little distance between the two lads. 

His hands wiped over his face and he cleared his throat. Now they were just standing there and Louis didn’t know what to say. His cheeks flushed pink-ish and his embarrassment grew.  
Before he could find any words Harry looked him straight into his eyes and opened his mouth.  
“Do you want to get a cup of tea or something” he asked with his raspy voice. Louis could hear him being quiet nervous and to be honest he wasn’t really fond of the idea spending even more time with the boy after he cried into his neck for way too long.  
“Sure” Louis answered. When his answer left his mouth he internally wanted to punch himself. Why did he say yes? He just wanted to be alone and didn’t want to answer questions about why he cried.  
Harry moves his head, signalising Louis to follow him and while he was cursing himself for saying yes he quietly followed the boy with his head lowered to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Self harm is mentioned!
> 
> Also the chapter isn’t that long so I’m gonna try to update a new one in the next 2 days! Sorry the uploads are so slow! I hope you still enjoy the story <3

They walked in silence but Louis felt Harry watching him, as if he was trying to read his thoughts. The thing was Louis didn’t even know what he was thinking, he just felt like he could trust the other boy and didn’t have to hide all his feelings.  
At some point Harry stopped walking and Louis looked up as soon as he realizes. As he looked around he didn’t see any kind of coffee shops but a neighborhood looking similar to his own.  
“I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to be in public” Harry said looking him in the eyes.  
One voice in Louis head told him to run and just leave. Why would he go home with a stranger especially some one that already knows to much about him?  
The other voice in Louis head told him to stay, not having to go home yet was something that made Louis consider to stay.  
Harry saw the smaller lad hesitating and reacted quickly. “We don’t have to go inside! We can just sit here in the front and I go inside and make a cup of tea for us”  
Louis didn’t want to say yes, he really didn’t. The idea of spending even more time with Harry who was going to ask questions, while sitting in cold wasn’t really appealing, but it was still better than going home. So after seconds of silence Louis slightly nodded and made his way to the front porch.  
Harry made his way inside of the house. After a while he came back outside, Louis still looking at the ground playing with his hands unsurely. His head went up when he realized Harry was standing in front of him holding to mugs. Thankfully Louis reached for one of them, because it was already getting colder and his hands began to freeze after being outside for that long.  
He took a sip and remained in silence, waiting for Harry to talk but still kind of hoping he wouldn’t say anything. At some point Harry began to talk He talked about little things and things he liked, trying to make Louis feel comfortable with him. Harry knew there was something wrong but he didn’t want to loose Louis already and just the thought of Louis being hurt and alone made him feel sick. So he decided to show Louis that he liked him and that he wouldn’t pressure him to anything, even though he planned on finding out why the smaller boy was so broken.  
They just sat there for minutes maybe hours, talking but not really talking. The fear that Harry would ask him what happened vanished over the time and Louis felt more and more comfortable just sitting there and listening to the other boy. He didn’t even realize when the sky turned darker and raindrops fell down, because his whole attention was on Harry, who was telling some sort of story how he fell on the football field and embarrassed himself while everyone was watching.  
Louis didn’t say much that day and Harry did most of the talking, but it didn’t look like he cares and just kept telling Louis more stories. When they realised it was raining both knew Louis still wouldn’t come inside Harry’s home so they continued sitting there for a while until both decided to saying goodbye for the day and Louis making his way home. 

When Louis got home he felt exhausted, which he didn’t realise while he was with Harry, but now he couldn’t wait to get to sleep. His siblings were already taken care of and the house was filled with silence which was a sign that who his father wasn’t home. He went to his room upstairs and begin to make himself ready for bed. Even though he felt exhausted he couldn’t find him to fall asleep and he couldn’t stop thinking about how nice Harry was and how he made him feel safe. Sure he was used to people like Liam being friendly to him but being around Harry we made him feel different and it made him feel like it was ok when he didn’t feel good, cried or didn’t want to talk. He really felt like Harry could become a great friend of him, even though he wasn’t sure he could hide everything as easy as he could hide things from Liam. Just seconds after Louis felt happy about him and Henry becoming great friends He began to become insecure and wanted to start crying again. He wasn’t sure why he was even talking to him because even though Louis was nice to him he felt like he didn’t deserve it. He felt like he didn’t deserve to get his attention or his Friendship, because since when was Louis worth something?  
And there again he fell a tight feeling in his chest something he can control but me to think how shitty his life really was. Suddenly he wasn’t tired anymore he felt exhausted still but he realized he couldn’t sleep because there was just too much on his mind. He stood up and walked around his room trying to call himself down and try to breathe properly again but when he took a look in his mirror he felt self-conscious again and couldn’t help but havinv tears falling down his face.Being insecure wasn’t something new to Louis it was just something which made him feel worthless he had this feeling most times but doesn’t really talk about it. Just looking in the mirror sometimes made him feel uncomfortable and wanting to run away or just stop existing. Today while being with Harry, he kind of forgot how much he wanted to disappear even if it just was for a couple hours he didn’t think about it which was a progress for him and made him feel better. But now he was alone again and all his sadness and is insecurities suddenly came back and he couldn’t handle those many thoughts and feelings at once, so he decided to go to the bathroom where he hid something he wasn’t proud of but couldn’t stop doing. He careful he took out some razor blades,which he hid in the back of the shelf, so his little siblings wouldn’t find it.  
After he checked if the door was locked, he took a deep breath or at least tried. He knew he shouldn’t do it but something in his head told him it was the only solution for him to feel something. So he put the blaze on his wrist and put pressure on his skin until he felt it. A feeling he couldn’t really describe but which made him feel something he deserved and something that was the only thing for him to feel alive.Somehing that numbed all the pain he normally felt.


	5. Chapter 5

Now Louis was just standing there, feeling like this blade was the only thing he was able to control in his life, the tears still falling down his face and his knees getting weaker every minute.

Meanwhile Harry was sitting on his bed, thinking about who hurt Louis so much and how he could comfort him so his sadness would fade.   
Louis felt guilty doing it, but it was still something he couldn’t stop. He stood there for a while not moving, until he snapped out of his thoughts and began to clean up with tears still falling down his face. He took a towel and wiped away the blood on his arm before putting a bandage over it and hiding the blades in the back of the bathroom cabinet.  
Slowly he went back to his room, being careful not to make any noises. After he took a look at his watch he realized that again he wasted a night of sleeping and it wasn’t long until he had to wake up and get his siblings ready for school.

So he was just lying there, watching the ceiling and counting the minutes until he could leave the house again. The house made him feel weak and he couldn’t control his feelings, but he knew he had to be strong for his siblings, he just failed miserably over and over again. At some point Louis realized there was no point of trying to sleep, he wouldn’t be able to rest, so he got up and went downstairs. The whole house was silent and he could hear his heavy breathing filling the room. He really didn’t know how long he could continue doing this, but before he could get lost in his thoughts again it was time for him to get his siblings ready. It was a daily routine from getting them out of bed and get them to school in time. 

It was easier when their Dad wasn’t home, because at mornings like this they could be normal kids and fill the house with laughter without being scared to wake up their dad. After the little ones left the house, Louis was finally being able to take a deep breath and get ready for school. It was again a normal day he wasn’t excited for, but he still tried to ignore the urge to stay home. 

The day went by slowly and as soon as he left school he somehow ended up at Harry’s front porch again. It became a routine for them, most days they would just sit there. Harry would tell him another story and Louis would listen. Even though Louis didn’t say that much and mostly listened he was grateful for the couple hours per week he was able to forget most of his problems and spend his time with Harry. Louis didn’t tell Harry but after they spend more time with each other, Louis viewed harry more like a best friend, he was thankful that harry hasn’t pressured him to talk about it when he again showed up to his house crying or completely exhausted.   
Even though Harry acted like he didn’t care, it was hard, because every time he tried to ask the other boy about something personal, we seem to block him away and didn’t want to answer. After a while Harry figured out that he had six siblings and left with his dad but Louis didn’t seem to want to talk about it more especially when Harry asked about his dad. Harry still tried to comfort the boy as much as possible and after while he realized that the boy seem to be more comfortable around him and it made him feel better because he already developed a lot of feelings for the boy and didn’t want to lose him.  
Even though they talked for hours do you never addressed Harry’s or Louis sexuality. Despite the fact that Harry developed a huge crush on Louis, he already knew he was bisexual before, he just didn’t think Louis would feel the same way. Louis on the other Hand never even thought about him liking Harry, he just loved the fact how close he and harry were and how much more like home he felt than his actual home. The more time they spend with each other, the more comfortable Louis got and the more he confused Harry.  
Harry never met a person like Louis and it worried him that even after they spend so much time together he couldn’t figure him out and even though Louis knew almost everything about Harry, Harry almost knew nothing about Louis. Their friendship wasn’t perfect, they weren’t perfect but neither one of them wanted to give up. Especially Louis who knew he could trust Harry but wasn’t quite ready to reveal his story.


	6. Chapter 6

Things didn’t get better with Louis and his Dad, he still wouldn’t stop drinking or hurting Louis, but Louis didn’t realize anymore. It was just another routine for him. So one day after Louis spend his day at the front porch with Harry again, he didn’t expect his father already waiting at the door, counting the minutes until he could beat all the happiness out of him. Louis felt paralyzed and powerless. All the hurtful words his Father was screaming at him and his fists meeting his skin made Louis feel lost and even weaker than before. Tears started rolling down his cheeks and he couldn’t help but sob, begging him to stop. What Louis didn’t expect was his father to actually stop. He let go of him and Louis fell against the front door. 

“Leave!” his father said, almost screaming and made Louis jump.   
Without even saying a thing he looked down and tried to make his way upstairs, but something was holding him back. He soon realized it wasn’t something but his father who held him back, not letting him climb up the stairs.  
“You told me to go upstairs. That’s what I’m trying to do so let me go” Louis said quietly after he found his voice back.  
He quickly flinched when his father’s voice filled the house loudly. “I told you to leave! So leave my house! I don’t want to see you!” he said loudly and held Louis wrist tightly.  
Within seconds he threw Louis out of the door and closed it behind him.  
Louis didn’t even understand how his father could have that much strength after that much alcohol but he immediately stopped thinking about it, when he realized he was now standing outside, in the dark not being able to go inside again. Now he couldn’t do anything but breaking down and sobbing into his shirt. The nights have gotten colder and it already started raining heavily. It was again one of those nights Louis felt like he hadn’t a purpose anymore and couldn’t continue living like this.  
This time something was different and Louis knew it immediately. Instead of feeling to urge to go to the old bridge like he normally does when he can’t seem to find another solution, he felt the urge to go to Harry, because he made him feel save and he knew harry would be there for him. He at least wished he would. I took him a while to get to his House.   
Not that it was far away, but he couldn’t breathe properly, he felt hurt and closely to breaking down. He never felt more relieved when was finally standing in front of Harrys House and couldn’t wait to ring the bell fast enough. While he was waiting for someone to open the door, Louis suddenly became anxious.   
What if Harry didn’t want him to just come to his home? What if he would start asking questions? But what feared Louis the most, was that he actually wanted to talk to Harry. He trusted him more than anyone else and felt the urge to tell harry more about him.   
Before Louis was able to turn around and leave, the door opened and in front of him was standing a woman, eyeing with similar green eyes harry had. “Hello?” she asked but it was more of a question. Louis wanted to answer, he really did, but he still wasn’t able to breathe evenly and nothing but sobbing left his mouth. “You must be Louis then? The boy harry is always sitting on the front porch with.” The woman sighed and looked at him concerned.   
“Come on in love, you are drained by the rain! I´m going to get Harry, he can give you some dry clothes.”  
Louis couldn’t do anything but follow her inside the house still sobbing in his shirt.   
Just seconds later he felt long arms around him holding him tightly. Louis felt knew it was Harry and started sobbing even more.  
“It´s alright” he heard Harry saying and for some reasons he believed him.   
Louis didn’t know how long they were just standing there, but soon Louis was sitting on the couch in clothes which were way to big on him and a big cup of tea, Harrys mother gave him before leaving him and Harry alone. Louis didn’t know what to say, he still hasn’t stopped crying and he knew he had to tell Harry what happened, he just wasn’t sure if he was ready.  
After he took a look to his left, where harry was sitting not leaving his side for even a second, louis decided it was time to tell him and to start hoping for the best.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so so sorry i havent updated in so long. Im doubting anyone is even reading this anymore but I had some personal issues for the last couple months and i just could not focus because of that. So I want to deeply apologize. Im sorry

Louis could feel Harrys eyes laying on him, watching every of his moves. He didn’t dare to look him in the eyes, because he was scared to see Harry’s reaction. Louis didn’t know how long they were just sitting there in silence waiting for him to start talking. As soon as Louis opened his mouth to start talking, he felt his panic rising and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. His tears fell down his cheeks like waterfalls and sobbing escaped his mouth. He couldn’t even take a look before Harry was already on his side holding him closely. “It’s ok Lou” he said and Louis hid his face in Harry’s neck. “I’m sorry” he whispered, which he only got an even tighter hug as a response  
“We don’t have to talk about it you know.” Harry said looking in Louis eyes  
Louis nodded slowly. He knew that, but he needed Harry to know, he couldn’t take it alone anymore.  
So they were just sitting there in silence. Louis breathing heavily and Harry holding him carefully like he was about to break. It gave Louis some kind of comfort and he decided that Harry really was this one person he could trust. So he opened his mouth again and started to tell Harry everything since his mother died. He didn’t leave anything out and continued telling him about everything his father has done to him. Louis tears fell down his cheeks while Harry kept listening and clenched his fist in anger. While Louis talked about how his Father hit him he could feel Harry’s eyes on him, trying to find more bruises Louis usually hid under his sweaters.  
They sat there for hours. The first time in their Friendship it was Louis that was talking the whole time, while Harry was softly rubbing his arm to show his support. Louis never thought that talking about it would be such a relief for him. It felt like he was getting rid of a burden he kept for so long and it gave him hope that maybe after all this time, things could get better. The whole night Louis barely stopped crying. Talking about his family made it hard for him to be strong but he knew that he didn’t have to pretend to be fine in front of Harry, he just made it easier for Louis to be himself. Louis didn’t knew when they fell asleep, he just knows that at some point of the night his exhaustion of the day took over and he fell asleep while Harry was holding him in his arms tightly.  
Little did he know that while he was already sleeping a worried Harry looked at him and wondered how he never noticed how broken he really was.

When Louis woke up and slowly opened his eyes his first reaction was to panic. He didn’t know where he was and he felt a heavy weight at his back. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was but as soon as he knew he relaxed and cuddled even closer to the sleeping curly haired boy. The boy that makes him feel save and gives him a real home he craved for so long.  
Louis couldn’t describe what he felt, he just wanted to be with Harry all the time. When he was thinking about Harry his face lit up in happiness because of how amazing the other boy is. He cares for Louis, he is funny, smart and definitely someone that makes you happy. Louis just never realized how much he loved his boy.  
Louis startled and almost fell from the couch. What did he just think? He loves Harry. He can’t. Harry is obviously his best friend and he isn’t into Boys! He can’t be. He would lose Harry and he can’t lose him over some stupid imagination, right? Suddenly Louis started to panic again. Of course he to be the one to ruin the only good thing in his Life, just like he ruins everything. He felt Harry moving and slowly waking up, which gave Louis an even tighter feeling in his chest because he knew couldn’t look Harry in his eyes right now. So when Harry opened his eyes, Louis didn’t say anything but stare at the ground. He could feel that the other boy was looking at him but he refused to look up even for a second. He didn’t know what to say, he was still shocked about his feeling for Harry and was scared to ruin everything that’s left in his sad life.

“Louis?” a sleepy voice said and even though Louis didn’t want to, he looked up and was looking into green worried eyes. “Is everything alright?” Louis wanted to say yes but he just couldn’t say a word. Instead he nodded and looked down again.  
“Are you sure?” Harry asked and moved closer to put his Arm around Louis like he always does. Louis flinched and suddenly stood up. He wanted to cry and scream. He couldn’t believe he fucks up everything and now a hurt Harry was looking at him.  
“I should probably go home now” Louis said looking at the ground and picking up his stuff. “Lou you can’t just go back there. We can find a solution but you’re not safe like that” Harry said who was now standing right next to Louis, trying to stop him.  
“Harry you don’t understand this. I can’t keep hiding here and I have to take care of my siblings. It’s better if you let me go” Louis said serious and looked at the door. “I’m going to go now”.  
Harry put his hand on Louis Arm “Please don’t go” he says weakly, looking him straight in the eyes. Louis just shook his head “Haz I can’t!”  
Louis heard Harrys voice getting more desperate “Stay here please, we can do that together”, Again Louis just shook his head and walked to the front door.  
He felt Harry holding him back and heard him say “If you go I will go with you”  
Louis wished he could have just said yes but he couldn’t. He is going to ruin their friendship and he can’t let Harry know it is because he loves him… more than a friend. He felt so helpless, like everything was falling apart right now and it was his fault. So he did what felt like his only option at that moment. He screamed at Harry, who flinched when he heard Louis words and nearly broke down.  
“Stop it Harry! Stay in your god damn own life. Stop being that positive over everything because reality is that life is shit, but you, you don’t see that because apparently you are delusional or something. So just leave me alone alright. I have to do this alone”  
Harry wanted to say something, anything but he was just standing there and he couldn’t believe what just happened. He only heard the front door closing before he fell on the ground and started crying. Louis, the person he loves so much really thinks like that about him. His chest clenched and his breaths became heavier. Things were just getting too much. Louis was gone. 

Meanwhile Louis was walking back to his House. Tears streaming down his face and sobbing loudly. He couldn’t believe what he just had done. All he wanted right now was Harry, cuddling with him, laughing over his stupid jokes and just feel safe and happy with him. But he messed up, he pushed away the only person that truly cared about him and the only person that could have saved him.


	8. Chapter 8

So now Louis was standing right in front of his “Home”. It wasn’t his home, it was more a house he was living in and couldn’t escape from. He wasn’t ready to go in there yet but he knew he had to. He took a deep breath, more specifically a couple deep breaths before he finally got the courage to unlock the door and wipe his tears away so no one would see. As he entered the house he realized how silent it was and he panicked. He didn’t care about his Father that moment, all he wanted to know was where his siblings were. He shouted out their names and checked every room just to find there half empty bedrooms. They were missing as well some of their clothes.   
Louis legs felt close to giving up and sobbing escaped his mouth. They were gone and it was his fault.   
“You!” he heard his Father growl behind him. “What did you do?!” he screamed into his face and punched his fist against Louis cheek.   
Louis escaped another sob, he couldn’t believe what was happening right now.   
“Where are they?” he said weakly while his eyes didn’t leave the Ground.  
They took them away from me because of you” Mark shouted and punched Louis again.  
“This is all your fault! You’re a disgrace, you’re disgusting and I can’t believe you are supposed to be my son. Because of you they took away the only people that I loved. It’s your fault your mother died and it’s your fault they took my kids away. You should be gone instead of them” Several punches hit Louis face and stomach again, but his sobbing was now silent. Tears still streaming down his face but no sounds would leave his mouth.   
It felt like an eternity Mark was just hitting Louis, but Louis just felt numb. He didn’t scream or anything. He was just taking all the punches wishing for it to stop.   
Mark kept yelling at him but he didn’t even hear it anymore. All he could think of was how he lost all the people he loves in just a day and how everything of it was his fault. He should have taken more care of his little siblings but he was busy just thinking about himself. He deserved this. Everything of this was his fault.

Louis must have blacked out at some point because when he opens his eyes he’s laying on the floor, alone and his whole body hurting. He wants to stand up and do something but he can’t. It feels like something is holding him back to do anything. He looks around, Mark probably left the house to go to a bar and Louis siblings? It suddenly hit him. They were really gone. The Youth Welfare Office took them and now he is all alone. He has to know where they are. He has to talk to them and they have to know that he is sorry, that he loves them so much. A Tear falls down Louis face and he wished he had the strength to stand up. 

Meanwhile just a few blocks away there was a curly haired boy crying in his Mother’s arms because the person he loves the most left him.


	9. Chapter 9

Since Louis left the house Harry hasn’t talked. His Mum asked him several times about what happened, but the young boy was still in shock. He would have never  
thought, that their friendship would end like this or that Louis thought that way about him. Now another Tears was falling down his cheeks, while his Mum was petting his curls to calm him down.  
It took Anne a lot of hours and several attempts to finally get her son to talk to her. She listened to every word he said and calmed him down every time he began to sob again.  
“He hates me” Harry cried into Anne’s Arms after telling her what happened just a few hours ago.   
“He doesn’t hate you harry” Anne said carefully and tightened her arms around her Son. “He doesn’t have it easy and he is just overwhelmed. You’re his best friend and he cares for you. He wouldn’t have come here yesterday if he would hate you! Just don’t give up on him yet”   
“I don’t want him to be just my best friend” Harry whispered like he was afraid someone could hear.   
“Oh. It’s going to be okay love. You’re going to figure it out” his Mum whispered back and looked at him carefully.  
Harry just nodded slightly but remained silent. They were just sitting there for a while before Harry stood up and told Anne he was going to take a walk to think about some stuff. Anne knew he needed some alone time. She knew that he was thinking about what happened in the past and she knew that he was going to make the right decision.  
Before Harry left he changed into new clothes. He chose the rainbow jumper. The jumper he made many memories with and the jumper he wore the first night he met Louis. He wore it because he missed Louis and he needed something to get reminded of their happy times.   
Harry was worried. He couldn’t believe Louis went back to that Monster. What if he hurt Louis again? Harrys Sadness slowly vanished and his concern grew. Louis could be in Danger and no matter what he said to him, he didn’t want Louis to get hurt.  
Little did Harry know that the boy was currently crying on the floor whishing he was there to talk to him.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry didn’t even realize where he was walking until he looked up and saw he was standing right in front of Louis house. Harry felt helpless and overwhelmed. What if Louis really didn’t want to see him? If no one opens the door he couldn’t exactly break in or something. Now he was just standing there, staring at the front door but no moving. He stood there for about 10 Minutes before he finally got the courage to ring the doorbell. Nothing happened and no one came to open the door, but Harry didn’t want to give up yet. After he rang the doorbell several times he decided to try to call Louis. As he pressed the call button he could hear the song “Look after you” by the Fray blasting through an open window. Harry’s chest tightened, he knew it was Louis Ringtone and that he always has his phone with him.   
Harry held back his Tears, he couldn’t believe Louis didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to answer the door or his call. Just like the last couple months meant nothing to him, like he was someone that kept him company for no reason. Harry wanted to leave, go home and just cry into his pillow but something felt wrong. As he turned around to leave he heard a sobbing. He knew it was Louis and hearing him cry made his heart break in a thousand pieces.  
“Lou?” he asked breathless while knocking on the door “Please open the door”.  
The sobbing got even louder but the door didn’t open. Harry tried again and again. “Please Lou, are you okay? Talk to me.” He tried again and silent tears were starting to fall down his cheeks again. His legs were giving in and he was suddenly sitting on the floor right next to the door. “I know you don’t want to talk to me but…please” his voice got quieter and he didn’t know how long he could continue to do this. “I’m going to stay here. You can decide if you want to let me in or not but I am staying” he carefully said before he heard another sobbing coming from inside and someone shuffling on the ground.  
Slowly the door got unlocked and opened just a little bit. No Louis, just an open Door. Harry stood up and went to open the door even more to go inside. “Lou?” He asked into the silent house. As he entered and looked around he saw Louis in the corner of the room looking at the ground with his knees to his chest and his arms trying to protect himself.  
The curly haired boy couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Louis told him his father was hitting him but now that he saw him it was worse than he thought. Louis whole face was covered in Bruises and he could only imagine what was going on under his sweatshirt.  
Within seconds Harry was kneeling next to Louis. Both silent and neither of them looking at the other one. “What happened” Harry whispered like any louder noises would break the shorter boy. He was now looking at Louis directly, trying to read what he was thinking but all he was able to see was someone that was broken. Louis just shook his head in response saying the same sentence over and over again. “It’s my fault”. Another sobbing escaped his mouth and he finally looked up at Harry. Their eyes met for a second before Louis looked down again and cried even more.  
Harry didn’t know what to do. All he wanted was to help Louis but at the same time his words from this morning were still in his head repeating themselves and he wasn’t sure what he could do without making Louis freak out. He lifted his arms to put them around Louis but before they touched he let them fall back into his lap again. He didn’t want to risk that Louis throws him out of the house. So now they were just sitting there. In silence with only Louis sobbing filling the room. The time went by but they still didn’t say anything until Harry decided he couldn’t just watch anymore and pull Louis into his arms. Louis automatically put his arms around Harry and cried into his neck even more. “I’m sorry” he kept repeating before he made a surprised sounds as Harry pulled him up and carried him to the couch. Harry holding him made him relax a bit and Louis finally began to breathe steady again. “What happened?” Harry asked for the second time now. He couldn’t see the other boy like that, he was hurt and he couldn’t hide it anymore. His fist clenched just thinking about how someone could hurt Louis like that. Louis, the boy that has the biggest heart, the most beautiful laugh and that cares for you like no one else ever would. As soon as the question left Harry’s mouth he could feel Louis body stiffen and his breath getting faster again. It took exactly three minutes before he answered. “They took them away from me. They are gone and it’s my fault” he said quietly not looking into Harry’s eyes. The confusion was written all over his face and while rubbing his arm to calm him down he asked him again. Louis hesitated to answer, he wanted to but something was holding him back and he felt embarrassed about how he acted this morning. He couldn’t understand that Harry was still here for him even though he screamed at him just a couple hours ago. “My sisters and my brother… they took them away. This morning and I wasn’t here. I left them all alone and they are just gone because of me. It is all my fault I-” his words got stuck in his throat and another sob escaped instead. Harry finally began to understand and his arms tightened around Louis. “It’s not your fault. None of this. You can’t make yourself responsible for everything love” he carefully placed his finger under his chin so he would look at him. “We should definitely put some ice in the bruises” is what filled the room and both boys looked in each other’s eyes, they both knew that what happened this morning was a mistake but no one talked about it. They just ignored it for this moment and kept silent.  
They went to the kitchen and Harry began to put some ice on Louis bruises which made him hiss in pain. “I’m sorry” Harry said but Louis just looked at him and reassured him it’s okay. They didn’t really talk that much. Sometimes Louis talked about his siblings, he felt like all of it was his fault and he was just scared that he wasn’t gonna see them again soon. Harry felt heartbroken. He knew he couldn’t take away the other boys pain but he wished he could. He tried to calm Louis down and reassure them that they would find a solution but he knew the boy was broken so all he could do at that moment was to show him he was there. He hugged him and didn’t let go and he made sure that Louis was alright with it but there was this constant fear that Louis was gonna scream at him again and within seconds tell him their whole friendship was a lie. All he wants was the boy to be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

Louis didn’t feel like talking. He wanted to cry and lay there in silence but Harry was there, right next to him and he never felt more safe. As soon as Harry pulled him into his arms he forgot about all the bruises for a second. All the pain he felt and everything he wanted to scream out. He felt home.   
It was an impulse. A dumb one for sure but it happened. They were talking but not really talking, they were sitting there just looking at each other. Louis didn’t know how it happened but suddenly all he saw was Harry, his eyes, his curly brown hair, his smile, just everything about him. So without thinking about it he leaned forward and placed his lips on Harry’s. It just felt so right, but then he felt it. Harry wasn’t kissing him back and as he opened his eyes, the only thing he saw was a shocking looking Harry.   
“I. Fuck” Louis stuttered. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong, I didn’t mean it i promise. Please don’t be mad. Shut I messed up everything” he stammered. Harry was still looking at him in shock and tried to say something but no words came out.   
Louis jumped off the couch and out of Harry’s arms. “I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I just..”   
Harry opened his mouth to say something but Louis interrupted him before he could say anything “You should leave yeah this was a mistake”   
“Lou can you stop and listen to me?”   
“No no it’s okay just please go Harry” Louis said now louder than before   
“Listen to me for a second god damn it.”  
But again Louis didn’t want to listen. All he wanted to do was be alone because he messed up again. He ruined everything in his life. If he didn’t before now he definitely did. He never even thought about liking boys and then there is Harry and suddenly all he wants to do is be with him.   
Louis panicked. Everything in him wanted to get away from this situation. He couldn’t believe what he just did.   
“Harry leave now! I’m not asking I’m telling you to leave.” He now shouted into Harry’s words. He pushed Harry to the front door ignoring the physical pain because of his bruises and also the pain of losing Harry.   
He finally managed to push Harry out of the door that was trying to say something over and over again but he just couldn’t handle the rejection. He couldn’t handle another person leaving him. He had to do it himself.   
Louis began to cry again. He couldn’t believe what he had just done, he ruined the only good thing in his life. Everything of that day was going wrong and he just couldn’t handle it anymore. He ran upstairs to the bathroom. He knew what he was looking for. Since he met Harry he almost never done it again but now he felt lost again. He felt like it was the only thing he could do. Just as he put the razor blade on his skin he heard the front door open and he immediately knew what was going to happen again.   
„You have 2 minutes before something bad happens. I don’t want you here anymore. I never wanted you here. The only reason I kept you here were my kids but you ruined everything so get the hell out of my house!“ Mark screamed right at Louis. 

Louis didn’t waste anytime he knew it was serious this time. He knew he couldn’t come back the next day like he usually does. This was permanent. He wouldn’t go back to this house ever. So I ran to his room and looked around. He didn’t even have any tears left, all he could think of was to find at least some stuff of his and throw it into his backpack. Louis knew the two minutes where over already and he could hear Marks Steps coming closer to his room, so all he could think of was running. So he ran. Faster then he ever did even though all of his bones and bruises were hurting more then ever. He didn’t know where he was running but as soon as he left the house he knew he was safe from Mark but now he had no where to go.   
Just today he pushed away the one person he could have gone to. He shouldn’t have kissed him. He shouldn’t even like him that much, because it ruined everything.   
All Louis wanted to do was scream. Scream at himself for being that dumb and useless. Scream at Mark for being like this. Scream at the world for being so unfair and just scream all the pain out. So when he finally got to an isolated part of the town he decided to scream. He was just to weak and his scream ended up being another of the many sobs this day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry Riley <3 I’ll update again today just wait

The time went by and it was getting dark already. Louis was still walking around with his backpack. He didn’t know where he should go. It was winter already and the nights were getting colder each day. Louis was shivering in the cold and his thin sweatshirt couldn’t warm him up. He kept walking around the town because he knew if he would stop he would get colder and he didn’t want to get attacked by strangers if he would try to sleep on a bench or something.   
So he just kept wandering around. He got many weird looks probably because his whole face was covered in bruises and he didn’t wear a jacket. Louis would have never thought that things would end like this. He always hoped there would at least be some kind of Happy End, but apparently there isn’t. Why would there? He messed up everything and now he has to live with it.   
If he wouldn’t have fallen for his best friend he would still have something in his life that isn’t ruined. If he wouldn’t have asked his mum to pick him up late she would still be alive. It was his fault the driver crashed into his mums car. If he would have taken care of his sisters and brother more they would still be there. Everything would be okay if he wouldn’t mess up everything. Maybe his Father was never wrong to punish him for it. Maybe he deserved all of this. Maybe life isn’t just made for him.   
With these thoughts Louis finally find what he was looking for. The little roof where he met Harry. The roof that gave him protection more then once. Just as he was sitting down rain started pouring down the sky. Of course the wind gets stronger and Louis can’t but almost roll himself as a ball to keep him warm somehow.   
Sitting there all in Silence wasn’t helping Louis with anything, it made things just worse. Not only did he realize that he now lost his siblings completely because without his father it’s going to be impossible to find them but also Harry just wouldn’t leave his mind.   
Louis always thought he was like his classmate Liam. He thought he would only be interested in Girls. He would have never thought that he could like boys. Until Harry came into his life. Louis shock his head. How could he been so blind. Since the first night he was stunned by Harry. His appearance but also his character just had something so mesmerising Louis couldn’t get away from. Louis smiled to himself for a second when he starts thinking about the many hours they spent on Harry’s front porch talking because Louis refused to go inside the house. The many times Harry made the worst jokes but somehow Louis still had to laugh about them. All the times Harry talked about his family and about music and all his dreams and his eyes just kind of lit up. God his eyes. Louis felt like he could drown in them. Suddenly it hit Louis. Tears started streaming down his cheeks again. He pushed away the person that’s most important to him twice just because he didn’t want to talk. Because he didn’t want to listen. Twice in one day he hurt Harry so much and not once Harry was mad at him for it. He just kept trying and trying, but now Louis just knows he lost him. He lost everything. He lost himself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Things can get better.

Louis didn’t even have to look up. He just knew. He could feel that it was him but he didn’t dare to look up. He tilted his head slightly to get a confirmation and yeah he saw it. The jumper everything began with and apparently everything was gonna end with. He had never seen a more colourful piece of clothing and he had never seen a more beautiful person than the person that was wearing this sweater.   
“I got worried” a weak voice said “he told me you weren’t there anymore, that you ran away and I wouldn’t have to worry”   
Louis said nothing   
“But I knew something was wrong. Please talk to me Lou”   
Lou. Louis breath hitched. Only Harry called him Lou and it always felt so meaningful to him. Like he was someone. More than someone worthless.   
“Talk to me please” a desperate voice said now a little bit louder.  
“I’m sorry” Louis finally said. “I messed up again and I shouldn’t have”   
Harry ignored what he said and just asked him “Why are you out here in the cold? You must be freezing”   
“He… he threw me out of the house.” The thunderstorm got louder.   
“…but I knew he would so I’m going to be okay. You don’t have to worry” Louis tried to convince not only Harry but also himself.   
“You’re not and that’s okay! Just let me help you, please. You’re not alone I am here god damn it” a now angrier Harry said.   
“Haz…” Louis said quietly but got interrupted by Harry.   
“No! Stop that! You didn’t even let me talk today. You kissed me and just threw me out of the house right after you ran away from my house. Stop pushing me away and listen to me once.” Louis couldn’t tell if it was Desperation or Anger in his voice or maybe both but he couldn’t answer.   
He didn’t know what because he didn’t know if he lost Harry or not. He didn’t know what Harry thinks and he didn’t know if he wanted to know.   
“Can you just look at me for once?” And Lous did. Green eyes met his and he noticed the redness in Harry’s eyes. He cried. So Louis did what his first instinct told him to do. He stood up and threw his Arms around Harry’s neck, hugging him tightly. He felt Harry’s arms tightly around his waist and he could feel his breath on his neck. He still had no idea what to say but all he knew was he couldn’t keep hurting Harry.   
After a while he said “I’m a mess” more to himself than to anyone else but Harry hear and he ended the hug. He now looked at him carefully. “Fuck it” He finally said and leaned in.   
You know how in movies they always talk about butterflies and fireworks? Louis never believed it was a real thing but feeling Harry’s lips on his made him forget everything around him. He couldn’t describe the feeling all he knew was that he felt like he was floating. Like there was nothing more important than standing close to Harry, feeling his hand on his Cheek carefully so he wouldn’t hurt him because of his bruises, just the feeling of comfort and love.   
As they break of the kiss Louis begins to panic again. He’s now back to reality and back to the fear of losing Harry over a kiss.   
“Stop overthinking for a second love” Harry said like he read Louis thoughts.  
“Come back home with me. We are gonna find a solution I promise” Louis hesitated. He was scared and the thought that even after all he did Harry was still there, right next to his side was something he never expected and didn’t know if he was ready for.   
“I’m not gonna leave you here, please just come with me” Harry asked again and now Louis finally agreed. They make their way through the heavy rain as Harry carefully takes Louis hand in his and walks down the street.   
Louis didn’t say anything. He looked at their intertwined hands and smiled slightly. Maybe he still had a chance in life and maybe someday things could change. All he knew was that he loved Harry but certainly didn’t deserve.


	14. Chapter 14

They came home dripping from the rain, but their hands still intertwined. Anne opened the door for them and looked at them concerned but didn’t say much. She put both of them in dry clothes and sat them on the couch so they could warm up with a hot tea. Both of the boys were cuddled together while Louis was wearing one of Harry’s jumpers that was way too big on him. After a while Anne sat with them and demanded for them to talk. She trusts her son but all of this was getting out of hand especially when she saw all the bruises that covered Louis Face and probably his whole body.   
She realised Louis didn’t want to say that much and Harry didn’t either. Both of them gave each other comfort but she could still see how broken the boy was and how her son couldn’t help him on his own.  
After a while they told her most part of what Louis told Harry the other day. It took a long time and Louis cried most of the time but the comfort and love Anne gave him reminded him of his mums and he felt safe.   
When Anne asked about his sisters and his brother Louis stopped talking. He again knew it was his fault and everything that happened wouldn’t have happened without him. Harry could feel his discomfort and began to rub his arm so he would calm down but he just couldn’t handle the fact that he might never see his siblings again.   
Harry soon realized that Louis wasn’t gonna say anything so he slowly explained his mum what happened to the little girls and the little boy. Each time Harry mentioned their name Louis changed and he wanted to run away but Harry’s arms around him calmed him down at least a little bit. Anne listened to everything carefully but was in shock when she realized that no one from the Youth Welfare Office cared about the 17 year old boy living with this man too. As she took a look at the clock she realized that they weren’t going to get to any solution that night so she made sure to get both of the boys to bed. Louis looked exhausted and his eyes were almost closed. Harry didn’t look any better, both of the boys suffered that day and needed some recovery. When Louis got himself ready for Bed Harry got to see his arm for a second and his breath hitches. The whole arm was covered with cuts. Most of them looked older but some of them were definitely just a couple days old.   
Harry didn’t say anything. He knew it would make Louis panic again but still couldn’t process what he just saw. He knew that the boy right in front of him was broken, but not that much. Not that he wanted to hurt himself that bad or maybe didn’t even want to live anymore.  
They both went to bed in silence. Louis because he was exhausted and Harry just couldn’t get away from the thought that the other boy was hurting himself that much.   
It took a while until Harry fell asleep but when he finally did, Anne was still sitting at the dining table trying to figure out how to help the boy no one else wanted to help.


	15. Chapter 15

Louis woke up in the middle of the night. Right next to him he could feel the other boy sleeping tightly. He didn’t deserve that. Harry and Anne have been way too nice to him, like they actually cared. And he kissed Harry again. Why did he do that? What if it now ruins everything again? He promised himself he wouldn’t hurt the other boy again but what if he couldn’t. He messed up everything in his life so why wouldn’t he mess this up too?  
Suddenly Louis couldn’t take it anymore. He felt like he couldn’t do anything else but sneak into the bathroom and make new cuts on his skin. He can’t deserve people caring for him. Why would they now when no ones else do it before. So Louis did what felt right to him. He carefully went to the bathroom trying to find anything sharp enough to hurt his skin. Tears built up in his eyes as he realized that it wasn’t gonna be easy to find something. He began to look in every drawer and wanted to scream in exhaustion and frustration when he couldn’t find anything. He didn’t even notice that a sleepy Harry was watching him trying to find a way to hurt himself.  
“Lou” is what made Louis jump and turn around. He was looking at a sad Harry that was staring at him in disbelief.   
“Harry… I can. I can explain” Louis quickly said already close to crying. “It’s nothing! I was just looking for something I-“   
“Stop it. Stop lying Lou. I saw the cuts! I know what you were looking for and it is more than nothing. You are risking your life!” Harry loudly said while a tear was falling down his cheek.   
“Harry please it’s not that serious. You don’t understand” quietly said trying to calm the other boy down.   
“It’s is more than serious and believe me when I tell you that I’m one of the people that definitely understands. We moved here for a reason” Harry’s voice got angrier and scared at the same time, like he didn’t know what to do anymore and he suddenly realized what he just said.   
“What do you mean?” Louis asked in disbelief. He didn’t want to believe that the boy he loved so much once did what he was still doing. “Please tell me you’re lying” Louis whispered.   
Harry shock his head “it was when my dad didn’t want me anymore because I told him I like boys” he looked to the ground and tried to hold back his tears. He never talked about his dad. He never talked about how his father decided to throw him out of the house and threatened to kill him because he was a disgrace. How his mother had to leave with Harry in the middle of the night because she couldn’t believe how her husband could do that to his own son. He never talked about how hard Anne was trying to give him enough comfort but how he just couldn’t live with the fact that his own father didn’t love him anymore because of his sexuality. And now he was standing there, in the middle of the night right in front of the boy he was in love with and began to cry. He began to cry because he knew how much he suffered from it and how there are still scars left. He began to cry because he never realized that Louis hurt himself, because he felt like he should have noticed.   
Louis was just holding him. Trying to give him comfort while his face was covered in tears too. He never thought that the boy that always seemed so happy would do the same stupid things he does. Louis decided to take a look at Harry’s arms and his breath hitched when he realized that under all the bracelets Harry wore some cuts were peaking out. Now Louis started crying even more. He couldn’t believe he never realised. He spend so much time with him but never even had the idea that something could have been wrong. “I’m sorry “ Louis whispered. “I’m sorry” Harry whispered there.   
Anne didn’t think she would find both of them arm in arms sleeping on the bathroom floor in the next morning. Their exhaustion was still visible but they were holding each other tightly. Like they were the only thing that could save the other one.


	16. Chapter 16

It was already 5pm when Louis and Harry finally got up and went downstairs to meet with Anne. They sat down with her at the dining table and after they had their lunch they began to talk. Anne had spend the day contacting the Youth Welfare Office and started to gather together information to try to keep Louis safe.  
She explained the situation to Louis calmly but Louis couldn’t concentrate. All Anne was talking about was how to give him a place to stay until he’s 18 and able to live on his own but he couldn’t imagine anything without his little siblings.   
Anne must have felt his discomfort because she began rubbing his arm in comfort. “I also talked to them about your sisters and your brother” she said and Louis suddenly looked up, right in her face. “They said that they are all in one family. They were able to find a couple that has been taking care of Forster children for years and they said they would take care of them all together because they know how it is for siblings to get separated. You don’t have to worry they are in good hands”. Louis began to cry. It wasn’t sad tears it was more a relief. Since his mum died his biggest fear was that his younger siblings would get separated at some point. Deep down Louis always knew that him taking care of the younger ones wouldn’t work forever, that at some point people would notice but he didn’t want to accept that his family would be separated.   
All he could think about now was how they probably hate him. He left them, even though they had each other he always promised them to be there for them. They probably didn’t even want to see him. Maybe the foster parents didn’t even want him to meet them. Maybe they want them to stay away from him. It was like Louis zoned out with his thoughts. He couldn’t hear anything Anne was telling him anymore and all he thought about was disappointing his sisters and his brother.   
“Louis are you listening?” Anne asked and Louis finally looked at her again “yeah sure.”   
“So I talked to the woman from the office and she gave me the number from the People your sisters and your brother are staying” Anne repeated slowly.   
“I talked to them and they told me they want the little ones to get comfortable at their new home for the next couple days but after that we could schedule a a meeting and you could see them again.”   
Louis nodded. He didn’t think he could ever feel more relieved than this. He started crying again but Harry was again right next to him holding him closely. “They are okay” he whispered over and over again. Harry nodded “They are. I told you it was gonna be okay”   
Louis didn’t say anything but he smiled slightly. Maybe things were going to be okay. 

“Now we have to talk about you too” Anne said. “ I talked to them and they said you’re not going back to your fathers house but they have to find you a housing. Since you’re not 18 yet you can’t live on your own yet but they also don’t have many Forster families that could take you at the moment. They suggested a dormitory. A lot of teenagers live there that can’t live with their families anymore. We agreed that right now it would be the best solution and when you turn 18 we can discuss more.”   
Louis couldn’t say anything. He just nodded. It felt unreal that things might work out, they never do. But Anne gave him so much hope, she gave him comfort like she was sure things would work out. Even Harry was just smiling at him because he could tell things were going to get better.   
They probably sat there for hours, talking about everything they still had to settle but it was looking like everything should work. Louis called the woman from the Youth Welfare Office and they talked about more details. He was even able to talk to his siblings Forster parents, that promised him that he could meet them soon. Just for that day Louis seemed to forget about most of his worries but he was concentrated on a possibly positive future.   
Now the only thing that was left was to talk to Harry. Maybe that could ruin everything again.


	17. Chapter 17

Harry was looking at Louis. They were both sitting on his bed staring at their hands. “So…” he said. “Hmm Yeah…” Louis answered. They both remained silent for a while.   
“Looks like things are gonna work out huh” Harry said because he was too nervous to actually say anything about what happened just a day ago.   
“Yeah I really hope so…” Louis answered. He still didn’t know if everything that happened the day before was something Harry regretted now because Louis didn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking about the curly haired boy and he never thought some one could be addictive but he never wanted to leave his side.   
Harry cleared his throat “So… about yesterday. I…” Harry stuttered, “I’m just gonna say it” he said to himself. “I really like you Louis. And I mean like a lot… like more than a friend” he said nervously just looking at his hands.   
Louis started to grow a huge smile. It felt like he was floating. He hoped Harry would say that but he never thought it would become reality. He looked at the other boy fondly. He never thought he would deserve this boy. The boy that was the most beautiful and smart person he ever met. The boy that never failed to make him laugh and the boy that he was so in love with.   
Harry grew more nervous since he got no answer but he also didn’t dare to look up. He suddenly regretted saying anything. He might have ruined their friendship right now. Maybe Louis regretted the kiss and wanted him to leave him alone.   
“Haz… look at me” Louis said softly.  
Slowly Harry looked up and his eyes met beautiful blue eyes and a beaming smile. “I never thought you could ever like me” Louis said unsure but his smile never leaving his face. “Should I tell you a secret?” Harry nodded. Louis leaned in and whispered “I really like you too”.   
Both of them were now sitting across from each other, both smiling like idiots and couldn’t believe what was happening in that moment.   
Harry thought to himself he has probably never seen a more beautiful person than Louis and Louis couldn’t believe how someone amazing like Harry was sitting right across from him.   
After a while Louis leaned in. His lips meeting Harry’s and he couldn’t believe that Harry was real. He never felt like this before and it was like he was in another world. A world with only him and Harry.   
They spent the whole night close to each other and talking. Until Harry fell asleep late at night right next to his Boyfriend, just as Louis fell asleep in the arms of his boyfriend names Harry.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the end :)

Epilogue

“Louis come on we want to leave” Harry said waiting for his boyfriend to get out of the bathroom  
“Just a Second. My hair isn’t finished yet” Louis answered while he was desperately trying to fix his hair.   
“I don’t think Phoebe, daisy or any of your sibling will care.. come on” Harry laughed and knocked on the door again.   
Louis finally came out of the bathroom and smiled at Harry “Well dear Harold…” he said and pecked Harry’s lips “I’m pretty sure I want to look good for the world”   
“When don’t you look good?” Harry answered while pulling Louis to the car where Anne was waiting with Louis stuff in the trunk.   
“Awww you’re such a hopeless romantic ” Louis laughed and ran to the car before Harry could follow. “I’m sitting in the front seat” he shouted happily and closed the door. Harry chuckled and ran after him.   
“Are you ready for you new Home honey?” Anne asked the smiling Louis   
“Yeah. Yeah I am” Louis answered and looked at Harry who was obviously sitting in the back seat.  
A few weeks have passed and Louis was still living with Harry and Anne. The dormitory now finally had an open spot and he would move in there today. He didn’t have a lot of stuff with him but the few things he had and Harry’s Rainbow jumper was stuffed in his bag.   
In the last couple weeks Louis had been to a therapist that has helped him a lot with his suicidal thought and getting over his traumas from the past. It’s still a long way for him to get better but he’s happier now. He has found comfort and support in Anne and Harry. Not only with his private life but they have also helped him in school. He was able to change some of his classes and he had talked to Liam after almost half a year. After all these years they have known each other it was the first time he told him about his father and everything that happened. It was hard for both of them but they have been working on it for the past weeks and Liam was really trying.  
Not only was Louis moving today but he was also meeting his siblings again. He was in contact with their Foster family almost ever day and after FaceTiming with his sisters and his brother they finally decided it was time that Louis comes over.   
Obviously Anne and Harry would come with him to meet his siblings he talked about every spare minute he had and to check if they are doing alright in their Forster family. Louis couldn’t have been more thankful for them and everything they have done for him. When Louis was close on having a panic attack after they moved him in the new dormitory because he was scared his sisters and his brother would be mad at him, they calmed him down within just a couple of minutes and they didn’t leave his side afterwards.   
They just kept reassuring Louis that he wasn’t alone. That they were his family.   
So when Louis finally had his sisters running around him and his brother in his arms he felt happy. He felt hope and he knew that there was a future that wasn’t all dark and bad. The first time in years he felt like he deserved this.   
They spent the whole day with his siblings and Harry didn’t leave his side once. Within minutes he had the little ones wrapped around his fingers just like he did with Louis and when Louis saw Harry smiling at him and heard his sisters and brothers laughter him he knew he was going to be okay.   
Things were going to work out. He didn’t had to cry anymore. He finally had a future he was excited to live.


End file.
